Went for a job interview on Friday, it was a bit odd. Got seen by a guy who doesn’t normally deal with job interviews because the usual lady wasn’t in that day. He told me there wasn’t many positions so he didn’t know if I would get the job, but then told me to come in for the training anyway, which was today. I called today just to see what the deal was, turns out, all the positions are already filled. FML

So on Wednesday night, Andrew made plans for him and I to hang with Kimmy and Lina. When we were with them, we wanted to find something to do, and they heard us mention that our friends had gone to Phillip Island in the morning, and they suggested we go there and drink on the beach. Within a few minutes we were making calls and end up driving down about an hour later. Was probably one of the best spur of the moment decisions ever made.

As we were heading up, our friends that were already there were being lame and didn’t want to drink, but in the end, Billy drank with us, and it was an awesome night. We drank on the beach, listened to music, danced, and had chats. The sleep that night was interesting as we had to sleep in cars but we dealt with it.

The next day, we woke up, and had plans to go to the pools and then beach with our other mates. As we were driving to the pools that Billy had looked up, we noticed the area looked a bit industrial, so I asked Billy what the name of the place was. His answer, “Pristine Pools”. Kaz, Nick and myself, who were all in the one car at the time, instantly started laughing and telling Billy how much of an idiot he was. We then found out about an aquatic centre that was a 30 minute drive away, so we made our way there. When we got there, around 1pm, we saw a sign on the door that said “Pools closed between 1pm and 4pm on the 19th January” which we somehow found hilarious rather than being shitty, so we just left, went to the beach and spent the next few hours there. When we decided to leave the beach, we went back to the house that the others were staying at and Nick’s mum cooked up a BBQ and we all got fed real well. As we were ready to leave and make our way back to Melbourne, I started bugging Andrew to stay another night, and with a bit of persistence, he agreed. The second night was spent the same as the first, drinking on the beach, but this time, Nick and Kaz also came along. Once again, it was a lot of fun, until at one point, I had Billy’s phone, and because it was after 12, I realised it was the 20th. Right from there my night slowly made it’s way downhill. For the last 9 months, I had always spent the 20th with Skylie, but this time was different, I wasn’t going to be seeing her, and that didn’t feel right at all. I managed to stay composed all night, and kept a faux smile going for the rest of the night. It didn’t help that before the night ended I had listened to both “When you say (nine)” & “February”, two songs that remind me so much of her, but I managed.

When we woke up this morning, it was time to head off, and we didn’t waste any time getting straight onto that. I was feeling pretty tired but was alright. When we came a McDonalds, we stopped to get food, but I wasn’t hungry so I was the only one who stayed in the car. Bad move on my part. Being alone allowed me too much time to think, and all of a sudden, I was in tears. I was glad I had sunnies on so no one would know I was crying, but I was incorrect, they all noticed. I had my cry and managed to stop myself after a while, but it didn’t stop the thoughts. I got so used to having you around, and didn’t realise that things like this would come up and get to me so much. You are such a big part of my life now, and nothing can change that. I still feel that all the things I’ve said about both of us having our space need to stay, but it’s so fucking hard. I can’t wait for the day that we speak again, I am going to hold you so tight, probably too tight, but you’ll have to deal with it.

All in all, the last two days have been spent with good mates and had some pretty good times. Need to do things like this more often whenever possible.

I just noticed that there is still a bit of a streamer hanging around from my surprise party that Skylie organised for me.

Right now

everything fucking sucks.

This is when it hurts most. I get into bed, and I have nothing left to keep me busy, so all my thoughts come rushing through. I think of how much I miss you and I just want to be able to tell you again how much I love you. I want you back in my life, but it’s not that easy.
Time to go have a sook, again.
Goodnight

Second set of tears today.
Haven’t felt this shit in over a year and it sucks that it’s happening now, around Christmas and new year. I hate feeling like this, especially when everyone is expected to be in such high spirits.

I can’t deal with today. Within about 10 minutes of leaving the house, I was reduced to tears. Don’t think I’m going to enjoy Christmas this year as much as I usually do.

“It shouldn’t be tempting”……… Serious?
Fuck off!